The Unexamined Life

is SO worth living - whoever makes up these maxims is nuts. Here's what happens when I examine my life: I harp on everything I ever did wrong, feel really bad about myself, and think of ways I can undo it even though it's totally too late and unnecessary at this point because who remembers this stuff but me?

Case in point. I met a guy freshman year (BY - before Yoni) and we basically hit it off, which pretty much never happens to me, ever. Let's call him Ace. He asked for my number, which definitely never happened to me before. Here's where I suck - I was totally, legitimately interested in going on a date with this guy. However, I was totally, irrationately, very BY-me infatuated with a totally despicable guy at the time. Let's call him Jerkface. So Ace called and asked me on a date, but I already had plans (non-date plans, but I was going to be in his vicinity which was, unfortunately, good enough for me at the time) with Jerkface. So I awkwardly tried to blow off Ace and told him I'd get back to him. Then Jerkface backed out of our plans, but an out-of-town friend of mine was town (let's call him Avi, because it was Avi) so I ended up blowing off Ace for him instead. What's so painful is that I didn't even realize what a bitch I was being, AND I was actually interested in the guy! I tried to convince him to reschedule but obviously he wasn't having it because - oh right - I was being a heinous bitch. Then he met his future wife like a week later and I started dating Yoni about a month after that. Now, everytime I see him or his wife (like when I awkwardly avoiding contact on the subway yesterday despite being seated directly across from her) I overcompensate by being strangely friendly. Also, I think I should tell him that I really was interested at the time, but I figure that wouldn't play well right now.

Now, when I'm NOT examining my pathetic past and terrible taste in men BY, I'm a much happier person. Therefore, life seems much more worth living.

Other terrible things that come up when I examine my life: The time I got yelled at at this stupid job I hated for looking for other jobs on the Internet. This time my mom tried to tell me what she thought was an interesting fact and I told her it was stupid. Sitting on the floor of Machon calling Tani when Eitan Shapiro passed away. Being too hungover the morning after the one night I ever actually got really drunk to appreciate a really, really nice thing that a really, really good friend did for me. Getting yelled at by Morah Sharon for stealing David Rubenstein's kippah and pretending I found it on the floor near the coats.

It's a good thing I don't believe in regrets, yeah?