What's Mine is Mine

I remember when I was little, learning that it was characteristic of Sodomites to take the attitude of "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine." I know it's in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers - a book composed of sayings of Rabbis shortly after the turn of the millenium - that's for you, Anjal my darling) too, something about that, but you know what? I'm possessive. I admit it. I don't know where it comes from - but then, who really knows where their personality traits come from, positive or negative? I want my friends to be my friends. I don't like being replaced by better friends, or significant others. It's selfish and it's terrible and I'm terribly possessive but it's what I am and I don't know why but I know I am.

I wish I wasn't like that. It's nice to be happy for people, and in plenty of instances, I really and truly am. When people get into schools, I'm thrilled for them. (Speaking of which, congrats to all those who seem to be having a great run these days...especially those who may be providing a place to visit in let's say, San Francisco? Possibly the Berkeley area? No, not specific enough? Congrats, Phil - now invite me over.) Land a boyfriend/girlfriend? Fab. Blow me off for them? Less so. Hang out with me noticeably less? Walking a thin line. Make it clear that if you could only have one of us in your life, me or them, it would be them? Seeeeeee ya.

But OK, the whole significant other thing happens to everyone, but friends? Why do friends have to move on to liking other people more than you, or becoming better friends with people than they are with you? How, when you think you're best friends with someone, do they somehow become better friends with someone right under your nose? And who does that say something about - you, them or the third party? Or all of you? Is this just a natural progression sort of thing? Because that's the kind of thing that makes me not want to naturally progress.

It's not like I'm not guilty of the same thing. I recognize that I've swooped in and become really close with some people and "stolen" them away...it's weird when someone is your best friend but then someone else is their best friend...and "best friends" are weird to begin with. Anyway, I'm sort of just babbling at this point, but it's after two a.m. and this night just got me thinking a lot, but I think it's time for me to shut up, because I'm going to read this in the morning and cringe at my whininess and incoherence. G'night! And happy birthday Hannah (22) and Debra (21)!