Crazy is as Crazy Does

I am in full agreement that Tom Cruise is insane, to the point where I kind of forget what a good actor he is and don't want to see any of his movies because the thought of watching him is so unappealing and I feel like I don't want to be surprised by some random hollering in the middle of a movie. And he IS a good actor - there's no question. I haven't even seen the movies that got him started - Risky Business, Top Gun, Born on the Fourth of July - or any of the Mission Impossible movies (though I'm not sure I'm missing much there) but I've seen Jerry Maguire and Collateral and The Last Samurai and Minority Report and they may not all be his hits but they don't make me doubt for a second that he deserves his fame.

But he's nuts - the Scientology thing, the Oprah thing, the Matt Lauer thing - I mean, the guy really is certifiably insane. I think the cover of New York magazine they did last year with him and Katie Holmes in strait jackets is one of the most brilliant pieces of art I've ever seen. In fact, it's hanging in my room. It's also hanging in my boss's office. To be fair, he seems like a nice guy, he looks like he's great about giving autographs, and so what if he likes attention from the press? He's a celebrity - he's going to be all over the place no matter what. Don't you feel better knowing that it's with his consent? I know I do.

And now, we enter the age of Suri Cruise. A weird decision to give a Scientologist child a name straight out of Boro Park, but OK. No, my problem on this one lies with my fellow Jews. Yes, he's crazy, but why are we not sticking up for them more and pointing out that Suri is in fact a valid, albeit totally Hasidic and inappropriate for a child of Tom and Katie's, name? The press is having a total field day (bitchy ingrates - the man poses for pictures for you every three seconds, the least you could do is not pee on his baby parade, even if the child probably is another man's) with the fact that Suri is translated as "go away", especially since some "Hebrew Language Expert", whatever that means, told Reuters that it doesn't mean princess, and even the gossip queen of them all, Miss Cindy Adams (yeah, because i'd be soooo proud to work for Page Six right now, it's really a frickin golden age) says that the Hebrew dictionary has "nesicha" for princess...OK I don't know how Sarah means princess any more than the next guy but I do know that it does, the same way that I can't explain how Rachel means lamb but I know that it does. Suri=diminutive of the Hebraicized Sarah, if only to the latently Ashkenaz - is that so hard to tell the press? For once, the guy did something that may have been weird, but he wasn't WRONG, and now her whole life his kid is gonna be told that her name means "go away" because her parents are stupid, and NO ONE in the whole Jew-dominated media can tell him that he's right?

Maybe they should just check out OnlySimchas. On the day Suri Cruise was born, there were two Suris and a Sori on the main page.