Small-screen Memories

Once upon a time, I knew the name of the guy who invented TV, or at least one or two of the names involved in its initial production. Something about Russian farmboy? Well, anyway, you don't have to know me all that well to know how obsessed I am with TV. I've followed and loved a lot of shows in my day, in every phase of my life. I was a total whore for cartoons as a kid - She-ra (had all the dolls, had all the castles, thought Castaspella and Mermista were two of the most beautiful women on the planet), He-man (my fears be damned - how badly did I want to be Shadow Weaver?), the Snorks (underrated), Jem (bought the DVDs later in life - wow, it was really a terrible show, but I LOVED it), etc. etc. etc. You all know, you've all been there.

I could be sorry about how much time in life I spent watching TV when I should've been out bike riding or something (ugh), but I gotta say, some of my favorite memories in life are TV memories. Don't we all live vicariously through TV sometimes, enjoying lives of drama without having to deal with any messy aftermath? Love how interesting death makes a story without actually having to do any of the grieving? Obsessively follow the love triangles without having our own moral dilemmas?

Some excellent TV memories, in no particular order:

1. The greatest cliff hanger of all time - when Kimberly detonates the bomb at Melrose Place and the scene freezes into a "to be continued" just before the explosion
2. "Usually in the mornings, with Katie Couric." If this needs any explanation, your high school years must have been very empty.
3. "I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so...scared!" See above. Then have Laura Altman do a reenactment for you like only she can.
4. Luke and Lorelai kiss. Yes, it was a bad kiss, and a bad scene, and then the show got bad. But still.
5. Carol Hathaway leaves the ER for Dr. Doug Ross...and beautiful beautiful George Clooney surprises the viewers by appearing in the last minute of the episode.
6. Realizing Brian Austin Green/David Silver was actually the hottest guy on 90210. I don't know when this happened, but whoa.
7. Falconer's car blows up on Sisters, landing both me and Sela Ward's Teddy in deep depression at the thought of never seeing George Clooney again. Thank God for ER.
8. Eric tells Kristen about the Perfect 10 model. Take that, weird Kewpie doll.
9. Aidan gets the ring right.
10. Ross. Rachel. The first kiss.
11. Ross. Rachel. The second kiss.
12. Lazy Sunday - double true.
13. The moody new writer on Studio 60 finally debunks the crap about "Almah" meaning "virgin."
14. Joey chooses Pacey. The world breathes a sigh of relief.
15. Fran Liebowitz photographs Will and Grace at the perfect moment.
16. Anything ever said by Nina van Horn, Karen Walker, or Niles Crane.
17. Bob Saget shows up at Vince & Co.'s house...and boy, does he like his prostitutes.
18. Paige stares down her rapist and sings him right out of the room.
19. "I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew/I'd be merry, but I'm Hebrew/on Christmas" and "Kyle's mom's a bitch" - all in one episode!
20. Craig tells Ellie he loves her. OK, so it didn't exactly go down how I wanted it to, but if you press "stop" right afterwards, you can allllmost pretend he's not doing it because he's a dirty coke fiend.
21. Sabrina rides off with Harvey. Personally, I would've liked to see them get married, but I'll pretty much take any scene with Nate Richert. He is adorable. Whatever happened to him anyway?
22. Brenda bitches out Dylan and Kelly for fooling around behind her back. If she's half that nasty off the set, it's no wonder no one can work with her.
23. "Is that a banana in your purse, or are you just happy to see me?" That's right, ladies and gentleman - Alexander Petrovsky can make a joke after all.
24. Haley holds up her hand...and proves to Lucas that she did wait after all.
25. Trent tells Daria she's pretty cool. Now there is a couple I could live through vicariously.

I am curious if I'll look back in another bunch of years and feel like I wasted too much time on TV. I realize, I don't really know what I would do without it. I mean, I love reading, and I love writing, but both of those things require breaks, and then what? What did people really do for fun before TV? Churn butter?